on a downer note...

a friend of mine had a miscarriage last week. she was almost 16 weeks.

this has freaked me the fuck out and even though I'm not PG it terrifies me.

i feel for her...it's sad. I just can't imagine being that far along and losing the baby. I mean, I know people have had MC's further along than that. But she was well into 2nd Tri and that happened.

ugh.

OHHHH ewcm...

how i HEART YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

woot woot.

hello people. Just wanna let you know that yes yes, I have some EWCM action going on, and I want to shout it to the world!!!

The past few months I have not been noticing any of this lovely stuff. I drip with WET WET CM....but no ewcm. Yesterday I had some brownish-tinted ewcm and it weirded me out a bit. However yesterday was CD13 and I think my hoo-ha is just still cleaning itself out & getting rid of old blood. Today my ewcm is much cleaner with a few spots here & there. But I tell ya, I stretched that shit on the TP. awww yea!

Hooray for gooey cervical mucus!!

now my next question is...what the eff man? I'ts CD14 and the past few months I've been O'ing around CD18-20. What gives?

If this randomness keeps up I may just have to suck it up & start to temp.

so, what's another month?

yep not remembering where I last left you...

but as you can guess, no BFP this month. meh...I knew it. no biggie.

the good news is that we are going away again and I get to have drinks with friends! This month I plan on stepping up my OPK game and really trying to time everything just right! I've been charting, not temping...and using OPK's a bit to help me out. Each month I get better at figuring things out.

Now I know that I can't truly tell when I ovulate since I'm not temping. However for the past 5 months that I've been charting all my other signs, it appears that I am consistently O'ing on CD20. So this month we are going to give it our best shot for the days leading up to CD20 :)

Anyway that's all the update I have for now...I'm not in a 2ww or anything, so I'm not driving myself bananas! Haha! being in the 2ww causes me to be CRAZY! LOL

I will say that I am seriously getting MORE AND MORE anxious with each cycle. I want this to happen SOON!!

soo sore

oh Monday morning. ho hum.

so AF is due today or perhaps tomorrow. Right now I'm on CD 33. I should be getting her right about now - and I definitely feel like she is coming. I'm not discouraged though. I feel like each cycle I learn more about my body. I am going to really do the OPK thing again next cycle, except buy enough so that I can test for several days in a row. That way I can really try & pinpoint ovulation.

I broke down and took 2 HPT's last week. I know, silly huh? There was good reason though. We went away this weekend...and I knew there would be LOTS of boozing going on. I knew that it was probably too early to tell if I was PG or not - but they were only $1 store tests...and I thought, if I was PG and I never knew it and then went and drank my face-off, I would feel like such a jerk. So the tests came back negative. I went and had a great time this weekend. TOO good of a time! I'm SO sore from snowboarding & whatever happened after I drank a tad too much...HAHA. woops.

SO hopefully AF will come soon & I can get her over with so that we can move onto the next cycle. My boobs are REALLY sore and I just know it's because of AF coming to town.

soreness in le boob.

having a hard time today just NOT thinking about this. argh. I was doing SO WELL this cycle...just relaxing and keeping occupied. Not thinking about the "what if's" as much. Now for some damn reason, as the 2ww continues, I cannot help but wonder if I am PG or not.

I woke up this AM to soreness in my boobs. Mostly my left one (which happens to be ridonkulously larger than my right) - so it always get sore first. *sigh*. I know that can be an early PG sign, but it's also a sign that AF is on her way into town.

It's hard to calculate exactly how long we've been "trying". I would say that this Fall we basically said to each other "OK let's see what happens". We stopped doing the P&P and I think really got into trying around November. So now it's March. I know that is NOT that long...but I can't help but get a little sad when I see these people out there who just think about pregnancy and suddenly they are KU. I just want so badly to be able to go visit my parents and tell them they are going to be grandparents!!

My Dad was on the phone with me last night, telling me a story about this little girl he saw in the airport. He was talking to her and teasing her & her baby brother. It was so damn cute. My Dad loves kids. LOVES THEM. I just wanted to be PG at that very moment so that I could tell my Dad that soon he will have his own grandchild to spoil! ugh!

Sorry. I just had to whine. I know this all sounds irrational, silly and entitled. But that's why I am blogging. Because I need an outlet - and I can't do it anywhere else.

on buying HPT's at the $ store.

Ok so i'm sure anyone who is reading this (IF anyone reads this?) has done this.

I go to the Dollar Store with H - tell him we are on the lookout for HPT's. He asks why, I explain to him that they are MAD expensive at a normal store, chuckle a little bit at his cluelessness, and then proceed down the aisle with health & beauty products.

I finally find the tests - yes! they are in stock. woo! OK let's see how many I can grab here without looking shady. Excuse me JR, can you please move out of the way so I can reach over you and grab as many of these as I can? THANKS.

H has at this point, wandered off in the store because he was starting to get uncomfortable standing in the aisle with all the vagina-related materials.

I meet him in the front of the store, at which point he sees me holding 10+ boxes of HPT's. MORTIFIED he then decides to pick up a random tool or something that he "needs". I think this was a desperate attempt to distract the cashier from realizing that I was cleaning them out of their supply of pee-sticks.

It was an amusing adventure. Hopefully I won't go through these 10+ tests and will not have to go back soon. (for H's sake)

This isn't Juno. I'm not 16. I'm a married woman and I could give a damn if I buy 20 HPT's at the $ store, or any for that matter. I just want to get one that says positive :)

dumm de dum.

nothing too exciting to talk about today.

This weekend we are supposed to go away & do some boarding, but who knows. Technically I'm in the 2ww and AF should be arriving around 3/16 or so. Which puts me at Monday...

at which point I will try not to get crazy about POAS. However I do own like 10 tests from $1 Tree. Gotta love it.

I've determined that if this is not the cycle for us, then it will be OK. There are a few things coming up that I will get to enjoy and be silly about - like maybe going boarding some more and drinking WAY too many beers with friends. Having a glass of wine outside once the nice weather (hopefully) rolls in. So yea, I'm not going to be bummed. Just gotta look at things from a positive perspective!

I still have not told anyone about our journey of TTC. I have a few friends who are PG right now. One that was more of a childhood friend than anything. She is going to be mad insulted if she finds out we are thinking about TTC without telling her. (I think she feels I need to tell her everything? um no.) But I haven't seen or heard from her in months so I think we are good. In fact, I feel the need to rant about her for a minute because honestly, this bitch thinks I'm stupid. I think.

The facts are this: we aren't really friends anymore. She doesn't want to "let go" - in that every 3 or 4 months she will call me up or email to ask why I haven't come out there (back home, about 1.5 hrs away) to "see her". Why haven't I called HER and come to HER to ask her about HER life...hmmm lemme think for a second. Probably because you are annoying and a tad self-centered? Friendship is a 2-way street. Get yo little booty in the car, pick up the phone, and come out to visit me for once. Thank You.

Wondering what I will do when I get the invite to her baby shower. UGH. Really don't wanna go.

hair.

i think my PNV's are giving me some fabby hair these days. Either that or I am doing a fantastic job at blow drying. (not likely)

I have super thin hair and no desire to look hawt when I go to work each day...so I don't spend too much time blow drying. Anyhoo - my hair just feels more full & shiny lately. So hmm perhaps it's these spiffy horse pills I've been sucking down for the past 2 months.

Today I am having a hard time containing my thoughts on TTC. I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops to someone...anyone. I will contain myself. It's just hard sometimes as it would be great to talk to someone face to face about it!

For now, I will be happy with the interwebs.

AHEM AHEM: on charting...

yes yes, in previous posts I have DECLARED that I am against charting. I'd like to clarify my statements:

I'm not into this whole temping thing. The thought of waking up at the same (early) time every morning and taking my temp, when I can barely muscle the strength to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock does not sit well with me.

I have been however "charting" WITHOUT the temps. So yes, I am guilty. I am a closet charter. I am more so doing this to learn about my cycles, and remember when the eff we got busy. So in case you are all DYING to see, here is my purty little non-temping chart so far this month.


Oh, and if you're wondering why I have a red line - it's because FF told me I could use my OPK as my ovulation predictor. I figured, what the HEY - let's give it a try! So yea it might not be accurate but hey kids, we are all having fun here.

entering the 2ww...

so I'm pretty sure I've entered my 2ww. OPK was positive the other day and I think I O'ed on CD20. (Tuesday)

Anyway last night I was all set to get some extra BD in just in case - as it's hard to tell if I did or did not ovulate. But we were both pretty tired. And we BD'ed quite a bit over the weekend and the night I got my OPK so here's hoping that it will be good enough :) swim little men, swim!!

I'm finding that having this blog is great for me to get out what I'm feeling & thinking, without having the blab to people around me. I'm not telling ANYONE that we are currently TTC. There is one person close to me who I somewhat go to advice for, but that person doesn't even really know any details. So yea, other than my H, this blog is it. And actually, he doesn't even know about this blog at the moment. I am not sure I want him to feel like he has to read it - part of the reason I have it is so that I don't overload him with too much baby-blabber. It's bad enough I talk about it enough around him - poor guy is probably overwhelmed already!

Also, I have a severe aversion to using certain acronyms...such as DH. I mean really, I just can't do it. "Dear Husband"?? Come on. that sounds so horrendous. He is not my dear. I don't call him "dear" - so yea I won't be using that. It's going to be either H, Hubbs, or Husband from now on.

successful pee.

holy crap, I actually peed on SOMETHING that produced a positive result!

that's right folks - got a positive OPK last night, woot woot! I know, I know...nothing to get THAT excited about. It doesn't guarantee me an O after all - but still - I peed on 8 of those little suckers last month with no luck. At least I feel like now I am starting to KNOW my cycle more, and understand just about when I ovulate.

Yesterday I had some serious O pains (or what I percieved them to be at least). This was way before my +OPK so I think it sounds like all things are moving in the right direction!

So of course last night I told hubbs to get crack-a-lackin'! let's go Superman! Do your thing! haha.

this is the extent to which I will obsess for now. It's purty fun I must admit, just the thought that there might be a chance this month! yayy :)

and so it goes...

well we are giving it our best here folks!

this weekend our get-away was awesome! We had a really GREAT time. We also had a few fun sessions of good ol' BD :) Let's hope that this cycle will be the one for us!!

I'm trying to keep track of my signs, CM, BD, and little things like "ovulation pain" (or what I perceive to be them). I think its good to do this at the very least, since we are still in the beginning stages. If for nothing else, it helps me learn more about my body!

I am def. in the stages of "Wet" CM - but for some reason I feel like I never actually get EWCM. what's more funny is that before I wanted to TTC I remember getting stuff like that all the time and thinking "what the eff is this???". I suppose a watched pot never boils, eh??

I say this as I suck down my coffee....which is something you should cut down on when trying to increase EWCM. HA, woops

guess the 47 beers I had this weekend didn't help much either.